Go home and put all of your affairs in order

Now that I’ve started I can’t stop getting rid of things….

  • ugly earrings
  • gold eyeshadow from New Year’s 2000
  • Delux Beauty glow in the dark nail polish from my first job in NY
  • New Basics Cookbook (1989)
  • so many children’s books…
  • slogan tshirts
  • xmas snapshots
  • extra kitchen clock
  • antiqueish purse that won’t open
  • who wants my coin collection?  Maybe I’ll bring it to work and give it away one coin at a time?

A neighbor and I were discussing fear and how you build your life around your fears in some ways, without knowing what you’re missing.  I’ve secretly been hoarding my mother’s shopping lists folded in these scuzzy old cookbooks.  Every scrap of her writing felt precious- keep it for the archives!  Writing about my grief has drained those old heavy papers and books of their potency.  My mother isn’t trapped in her handwriting or the books she read to me or the earrings she wore.  Schlepping them from apartment to apartment to apartment won’t bring her back or keep her near.  Whatever I have of her is always with me.


Author: Emily

Writer/ Librarian

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